A Man of God?

   I want to be a Man. When I say that i'm not being weird or perverted, but I to be want someone who is considered a Man; not a "boy," not a "pansy," not a "guy," but a Man. Most of my life I have seen that as something that is big and gnarly and "macho." Honestly I have almost built a picture of Rambo representing masculinity.

   I am fairly convinced that that perception is wrong and un-biblical. Don't get me wrong, I for sure want to be a warrior in my King's army but I am beginning to realize that the most effective warrior's weren't the one's who went in with gun's blazing. Those kind (a) don't seem to live very long [the "live by the sword die by the sword" bit] and (b) don't generally leave much of a legacy except for that of hate.

   Like I said a moment ago, I want to be a Man. However I think I want to add a stipulation to that. I want to be a Man of God. So with that is mind I am beginning to look at what God has to say about His men. There is only one man in all of history who was called a man after God's own heart, his name was David (and he's been dead for a really long time). David was called to be the king of Israel after its first king disobeyed God. When God sent the Prophet Samuel to a man named Jesse, Jesse brought his sons to Samuel. God had told Samuel that the future king was amongst Jesse's sons and when the eldest (who was "great of stature and strong of arm") was brought God rejected him saying that the outside is not as important as the heart. Finally Jesse called his youngest son in from the fields and the only physical compliment that was paid to him was that he had rosy cheeks - yet it was was he who was chosen to be king, and he who was called a man after God's heart.

   David was a shepherd and a poet. He was a man who was courageous and yet avoided bloodshed when possible. He was man who hated who he was in his sin and had faith that the Lord would cleanse him. He was a man who sang when he was joyful and wept (he was okay with crying) when he was in sorrow. David was by no means perfect but he sought the Lord even when he knew he had sinned, he didn't try to hide his mistake - he stood up, apologized, and took his punishment. He was considered a great warrior, yet he spared the life of the man who would not have done the same for him (Saul).

  In the Gospels the son of the God of the universe served all before Himself even to the point of sacrificing Himself for a race that spurned Him and His gift. He walked through hell so others wouldn't have to do so. That is courage.

   In the New Testament (the only time I can remember gender roles being separated) men are told to be leaders and to love. We are not told to be macho or strong, we are told to love. Gosh, I really can't think of a way our culture could be more wrong about masculinity.

So, applying this to my life....

   Well, like David I want to be a poet (a man who can use words better than a weapon). I want to be unashamed of showing emotion be it laughter and singing or tears. I want to be honest with myself and God, repentant in my sin and be willing to receive the consequences. I want to learn to avoid "battle" when possible but be courageous and unwavering in the Truth when it is not. I want to be a loving leader who will always sacrifice himself in order to protect others whether they deserve protecting or not. I want to be a son in whom God is well pleased.

Holding the Line to Live with Christ

   Thoughts...it's almost like whenever I have down-time my mind ends up busier than when I have something to do. Being sick is one of the most underrated and over-complained about events in life. I will admit that in the middle of the illness, it pretty much sucks. However there is generally a few days on either end that nobody wants you around, because they're afraid of catching whatever you have, but you feel well enough to be doing something. That "buffer-time" allows for, in my opinion, some of the most amazing hours of quiet and thought. For about last day-and-half I've been blessed with such time.

   This last day I have really been thinking a lot about what it means to live for Christ in my generation. Those thoughts always bring with them the "what if's" of having lived in a different time; but as Tolkien says "It is not our to choose what time is given us. All we have to decide is what to do with that time." So I wonder, what am I to do with this mess of an epoch that I've been given. Well, I sort of pseudo-wonder because God has told me what to do...it's just that I don't always have the strength or desire to follow His direction. Anyway, the thing that He laid on my heart yesterday evening and this morning is that following Him is as simple as being chill with not always doing what I want. I guess that I never really tried to break down what my job in our relationship was, and when I did He showed me that it is the same as any other relationship I have on Earth: I have to think of Him before I do myself. When my day centered around putting Him first I am living for Him, I think that's kinda what Jesus was talking about with the whole "abiding" thing in John 14. I think that in Eden living with God in the forefront of their minds was as natural as breathing, but after the Fall an element of battle entered the relationship. Now we have to fight to keep Him is His place; we have to fight our sin nature and we have to fight "the rulers and principalities of this present darkness." When I think about battle I think of the swords and spears kind of battle in the Middle Ages. That kind of battle really made it absolutely pointless to fight by one's self because it was so easy to become overwhelmed. I think that spiritual battle is much the same. So when I think back over all the most successful armies, they were those who fought in a line with order and discipline. Every man relied on the man to his right and left equally as much as he relied on himself, and if he were about to be overwhelmed he knew that his comrade's swords would be there to help free him up. So I guess the whole point to all that is that living everyday for Christ is freakin' hard to do by myself. I figure that if I can be reliable for my brothers and sisters in Christ and can rely upon them we will be able to Hold the Line each day, let go of our agendas, and live for our savior.