Where is our heart?

What is most important to us as a culture? What is it that captures our collective imagination and inspires us? What motivation, what hunger, drives us? As I sit and ask myself these questions, so many things zoom through my head. Perhaps it is the drive to "get ahead," to "achieve the American dream." Who doesn't want their white picket fence, 1.8 children and golden retriever? Perhaps it is the drive to be remembered, to discover something, achieve something or write something that history will never forget.

I sit and think through all the noble and ideal ways to answer this question and smile to myself. Then I remember what Jesus said in Matthew 6:21, "where your treasure is there your heart will be also." So where is the collective American heart? Into what have we poured our money? What are the things in which we have chosen to invest? According The-Numbers.com the average gross income for a nationally screened movie is approx. 565 million dollars (including Box office, retail sales, and TV licensing). The average american spends 45 dollars per week on TV and movies (including satellite/cable subscriptions, theater attendance, retail purchases, netflix, and pay-per-view). If video gaming is added to the "entertainment" category the national average jumps by a staggering $42 average (leaving the total at $87--higher than the average weekly expenditure for housing). I find this both telling and disturbing. Americans are spending more money on entertainment than on the place they live. "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." It seems that our hearts are invested in visual entertainment.

The Internet Movie Database (IMDb) tracks the highest grossing movies of 2013. I'd like to look at the #1 and #2 movies on which Americans have spent more money than any others. Both of these movies had sellout crowds, across the country, waiting for hours to see the midnight premier. We have culturally declared these productions so valuable that we spend both hours waiting in line and hundreds of millions of dollars on tickets. Lets take a closer look at what we have glorified. Fair warning: there will be spoilers.


#1 Bestselling Movie of 2013
Iron Man 3

Don't get me wrong, I love a good superhero movie as much as the next guy. However, I do find it unsettling that our country thinks this is the most valuable production of the year. This movie grossed just over 1.2 billion dollars in worldwide box office sales (that does not include DVD sales or TV licensing), Americans contributed over a third of that figure. 1.2 billion dollars means that it has generated more income in the past 7 months than almost thirty of the countries listed in the CIA World Factbook do in year. That worries me.

The plot of this film is not all that original. A really powerful bad guy tries to take the, now famous, Tony Stark (Robert Downing Jr.) down by threatening his girlfriend, Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow).

First, lets look at the plot. The driving force behind the movie is Tony Stark's search for significance and identity. The whole movie centers around the tension between Stark's obsession with his work and his desire to love Ms. Potts (and by love, I mean have sex). He is torn between his awesome superhero self and the normal everyday self. So, he challenges a terrorist organization that has almost infinite resources, along with a bunch of super-human minions. When you are stressed and struggling with your home-life, the obvious solution is an extended killing spree of morally compromised individuals. Of course, everything works out. Stark's obsession with work ends up saving his life and Potts kills the main bad guy (while mostly topless). The whole movie ends with all the Iron Man suits gone and Stark beginning to handle his identity crisis. The crazy thing is I'm not sure whether he actually figures out his identity issues. At the very end he kinda decides to go with the "everyday version," but the very last line is "I am Iron Man!" Good plot...kill all the bad guys and still leave confused about who you are. Great role-model!

Robert Downing Jr.
(Tony Stark)

Second, lets take a closer look at the primary protagonist, Tony Stark. The protagonist of any story should always be examined closely. Almost all stories are designed to generate empathy toward and cause the audience to identify with the protagonist. The first thing I would like to note is that the protagonist of the 21st Century is never normal. Tony Stark is developed as a genius and technological prodigy from a young age. He is portrayed as the kind of man that never fails. Once he reaches adulthood he became a drunk womanizer who showes the world that he was utterly entitled to everything he took. This changes a little bit once Potts enters the scene, but she really ends up mothering him (which, granted, he needs) more than being his companion. Ultimately, he is a man who takes what he wants, when he wants it (by any means necessary). He has everything. He has toys (cars, robots, cool super-suits), he has women (most notably the lovely Ms. Potts), yet he wants more out of his life. He can have anything he wants, and he can do anything he wants but it isn't enough. He becomes obsessed with his work (his suits) because they define him. It seems that Stark is meant to elicit empathy from the majority of upper-middle class American men (the largest theater-going demographic). His identity is in his work, which (ironically enough) falls smack between his cool superhero self and his normal everyday self. His meaning in life is 100% centered on these very high-tech pieces of metal. Am I the only who sees a problem with that? No wonder he is having an identity crisis, I would be too. Stuff...check! Girls...check! Meaning...nope! No meaning = stress, and when stressed - kill! Awesome ideas to broadcast to the public.

Gwyneth Paltrow
(Pepper Potts)

Third, lets take a look at the secondary (supporting) protagonist, Pepper Potts. She is an odd character who is fairly representative of the identity crisis American women are facing today. She is portrayed as a strong self-assured woman who rises to the top of the corporate ladder and succeeds there. She is also shown as feminine and very "in love" with Stark (a weakness according to classic feminism). The interesting thing is that she is really the anchor in their relationship (contrary to traditional gender roles). So what is she supposed to portray? Exactly! She epitomizes the 21st century woman: strong, self-possessed, financially independent, and utterly emotionally dependent upon a man. She is the walking feminist paradox...but that is the ideal held up for the women of my generation. Best of luck to you all. She ultimately joins Stark in both of his stress-relieving hobbies: sex and killing. Yet another great role-model.

A few things to think about from this movie:
- Everyone who is successful in this movie is beautiful. Implication: if your not good-looking you will fail.
- All the good guys get everything they want. Implication: if your not getting everything you want you must not be a good guy.
- People who speak out against the main characters die. Implication: if your goals are good, human life is expendable.
- The police and government are never there to help the good guys. Implication: the authorities are impotent and unable to help.
- Intelligence is Stark's greatest asset. Implication: those who are smart are entitled to take what they want when they want it.

Killing, sex, and an identity crisis; it all made for the best selling movie of 2013...1.2 billion dollars.



#2 Bestselling Movie of 2013
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

This just makes me sick. When I read the books a few years back, I never dreamed that they would make movies. The entire point of the story is to show that the Capitol is no longer fit to govern. This is shown by the fact that the people in the Capitol sit comfortably in their living rooms and cheer children on to murder in an arena. I don't understand how our country can go to these movies all excited and walk out talking about how good it was. People murdering one another for the entertainment of others will never be "good." In the book Suzanne Collins made a point of criticizing those who watch the hunger games for entertainment (those in the Capitol, District 1, and District 2). Does our culture not see that they are doing the exact thing that made the Capitol unfit to lead? I was at the theater the night Catching Fire came out (I was watching Capt. Phillips-which I do recommend, by the way). There were lines that stretched almost a hundred yards into the parking lot. The entire lobby was full of stanchions with lines woven back and forth to use the space for people in line. There were probably more than a thousand people there to watch this diary of murder. Has the value of human life fallen so far that we revel in the portrayal of death? I pray that our culture still has time to right itself before God makes the same judgement upon us that was made on the Capitol. We have clearly lost the mandate of Heaven, the question is: is there still enough to redeem, or has this culture fallen so far that destruction is in order?

The cleverness of this plot is a tribute to the time and thought that Suzanne Collins put into the books. The story follows a relatively innocent girl as she realizes that her willpower and strength have given the general population hope. She has given them enough hope to rise against the tyranny of a government that takes their children away each year to fight and kill one another. Ultimately Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) realizes that she has become the symbol of a rebellion.

First lets take a look at the plot. Yet again, we find, in Everdeen, a charter who is in the middle of an identity crisis. She is no longer the hunter/provider for her family. Her victory in the last hunger games has left her almost unlimited material resources (especially in her poverty stricken district). Her family is never in danger of hunger or exposure and this leaves Everdeen without a purpose. Not only is she purposeless, she is also in the middle of a love triangle that includes herself, Peeta Melark (Josh Hutcherson) and Gale Hawthorne (Liam Hemsworth). She alternately leads on and cheats on both of them. The theme of the games is carried over from the first movie/book through a device called the "quarter quell." It is a special games that is held only once every 25 years. In this particular event the tributes are chosen from the previous victors (rather than the juvenile population of Panem). Everdeen and Melark are thrown back into the arena with all-star competition. This further complicates her relationship with both of the boys. Yet again we see the venting of emotion both on the part of Everdeen and Finnick Odair (Sam Claflin) through killing or violent outbursts. Is this the new norm? It would appear so; I mean, all the cool kids are doing it...

Jennifer Lawrence
(Katniss Everdeen)

Second lets look at Ms. Everdeen, our primary protagonist. She is introspective, fiercely loyal to her friends and family and very much searching for her identity. This seems to be a common theme. Why are primary characters so lost? Why do they not know who they are? Why is self-discovery such and integral part of the 21st century protagonist? It seems that we are a culture of the lost. If the protagonist is meant to cause a connection between the story and the viewer and the two most popular movies feature lost individuals, then it follows that American (and worldwide) viewers are identifying with characters who are lost. This has catastrophic implications. It means that people do not know who they are. They are seeing that it is alright to not know who one is as long as one does good. Everdeen is so confused about her personal world that she ends up in the middle of a love triangle. It isn't that the boys are fighting over her and she can't decide, rather she leads both of them on because they are both representative of two very different worlds. She can't decide who she wants to be, so she cheats on both boys with the other. This romantic give and take is her alternately flirting with both versions of herself. She tries so hard to cling to what she sees as right that all else falls by the wayside. For her (as with Stark), the ends always justifies the means.

Lets take a look some sketches of the other characters.

Peeta Melark - He is passive, gentle, soft and a baker (domestic) despite his obvious physical strength.

Haymitch Abernathy - He is conniving, manipulative, rude and a hopeless drunk. He is too sorry for himself to care about anyone else.

Gale Hawthorne - Clever, bitter and sometimes cruel.

Finnick Odair - Womanizer, brutal and emotionally broken.

It is interesting that there are no positive male characters. All of the men in this story personify most of the negative male stereotypes. This movie glorifies Peeta, shows respect for Gale, elicits sympathy for Haymitch, and makes Finnick look cool. There is a problem with that!

Finally lets look at other thoughts that this movie portrayed:
- Prim (Katniss's little sister) and Katniss both have to look out for their mother. Implication: Parents are inept and impotent.
- Peeta is portrayed as one of the best characters in the movie. Implication: men should be passive, gentle, soft and domestic.
- People murder for the entertainment of the Capitol and there were sellout crowds for this movie. Implication: America is disturbingly like the Capitol.

The Capitol was unfit to rule because of the means by which it maintained peace and found its entertainment. Where is the difference between them and us?



The collective American heart has been invested into this industry. What is it that we have really chosen to be valuable?

Honesty

Lying is probably one of the easiest sins to slip into and one of the hardest to escape. Lies have a tendency never go away,  they are the bane of those foolish enough to use them. I really cannot think of very many sins that approach lies in their ability to destroy relationships, and ultimately lives. Every sin has consequences, but lies seem to have consequences that outstrip most of their fellows. Proverbs 19:5, 9 states that those who lie will not go unpunished, but rather that the liar is condemned and cannot escape.

I have told more than my fair share of lies. I made the tragic mistake of deceiving my family and those closest to me in order to cover another sin. I was so humiliated by my sin that I couldn't bear the thought of allowing my family and friends see my dramatic short-coming. Most days I want so badly to be perfect that I don't want to admit my failings to myself, much less to those for whom I have respect. I spend so much time trying to wish away my failure that I forget that confessing (owning up to) them is only way to be free. Lies not only weigh the liar down with guilt and the fear that someone might find out, they also break the trust of those we hold most dear.

I have found it's just not worth the cost. Stealing people's respect isn't worth breaking their trust. It's just not.

As I look at my own life, I find that the times my tongue has strayed from the Truth are the times I was not drawing my identity from my Savior. We are sinners. I am a sinner, but I have been forgiven of those sins. It is absurd to cover the beautiful truth of Christ's redemptive majesty with a facade of pathetic earthly perfection. I lie when I want the approval of those around me. I lie when I look to my friends and acquaintances for validation. I lie when I look away from my eternal savior.

When I place my identity in his hands, my short-comings become the bass line to His infinitely intricate melody. It is upon the abyss of my failure that His architecture is most astonishing. The beauty of Christ's gift to us lies in the fact that we are not whole or complete for this season, but the Spirit fills the holes and finishes the masterwork that looks so ruined without Him.

Some days I want so badly to be perfect and, in that perfection, to be honored. And sure, a few well placed lies might make me look really good and cover the worst of my short comings. The irony is that this doesn't draw others to me. People who appear perfect are intimidating. It's not  fun to go to lunch or throw the frisbee with someone who is flawless. It makes the rest of us mortals feel like crap. By fashioning an illusion of an immaculate life, I inadvertently demean everyone who is honest about who they are.

I think I am learning to be a man who is visibly flawed, because broken and flawed men bring the most honor to the one who accomplishes things with them. No glory or applause goes to the man who gets his arm cut off, but the doctor that make the arm workable again will be lauded. Attention and honor are not good for me. It only inflates my already obese ego when others take notice of who I am or what I have done. I want to a neon sign that points toward my King. No one actually examines the sign, they are merely interested in the object it is advertising. I pray that, by God's grace, I can learn to be 100% defined by my Lord and that every word I speak or write would be a neon sign to Him.

Training Pains

Sometimes the days when I am at my very worst are the days I feel closest to the Lord. Today I felt like I kept getting knocked down, but the beauty of it was that I also felt like someone kept standing me back up. I am exhausted, the kind of exhausted where you wake up in the morning with your daily headache. But honestly, being tired isn't so bad. There is something satisfying about being tired from busyness. It's kinda like the acceptable price for productivity. Today was just a different animal altogether.

I was up early this morning because my brother and I share a car and he had to clock-in at 0700. I am not, and probably never will be, a morning person, so this was a heavy hit (though not really a knock down punch) to start the day. From there, things deteriorated so quickly that by 1100 I realized that it was just gonna be one of those days. 

I don't say all this to lament the day itself (that's what my journal is for), but rather to tell a little bit about how amazing our God is. With each successive down turn He met me with a scripture and a little bit more energy to get back up again. He never just gave me a huge energy jump to power through the day, but he was there each time I got hit to lift me up again and set me straight. He provided me with just enough will-power and stamina to stand up one more time; that is an amazing God. 

I suppose my praise is two-fold this evening, well perhaps three-fold (the day is at an end). The first and most amazing praise is that I have God and savior who cares to stand so close beside me that He is right there to pick me up. That thought really is astounding! The second thing is that He still allowed me get knocked down. He didn't block or soften the blows, but He let me take them and learn from my mistakes. 

I think of a master swordsman training a page. The master doesn't go easy when he is teaching the page to use a sword, rather he uses a wooden (non-lethal) weapon and hits hard so the page will develop good technique and quick responses. Throughout time pain has been on of the most effective tools a teacher can use. This is evident in everything from parenting to warfare; people tend to not repeat painful errors.

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." - James 1:2-4

This verse was difficult for me for a long time, and will most likely remain difficult for the rest of my life. However, I think my King gave me a glimpse into its meaning today. He is not saying to rejoice because something hurts, he is saying to rejoice that the King has seen fit to stand by your side and train you. Training is painful, but it speaks of trust from one's authorities. Officers/Kings don't train men they don't intend to use. It is upon this thought and truth that I stand when my days become their very hardest. I cling to the fact that pain means He will eventually think me qualified for a mission in His battle-plan.

I want to be His warrior. So I stand firmly in Christ's blood as my own mixes with His on the floor. He gave His life so I could fight from His corner, and He continues to lift me back up. Why on earth would I want to stop swinging?

Hmmm...

The boundless beauty of a relationship with Jesus Christ is something that is incomprehensible to us temporal creatures. We do, however, recognize that it is beautiful; we are simply unable to conceptually cope with it. The timeless and eternal sacrifice of the innocent, almighty God spans the entirety of the universe's existence and subsequently renders eternal justification accessible to humanity. The beauty therefore is not lost upon us, the creation, it is tragically underappreciated.

My Time

I think the passage of time has always amazed me. I love being busy so I generally don't think of the passage of time. I think of the progress of whatever I'm working on, then when I do look back on the hours and days I wonder where they have all gone.

Idleness has never been appealing to me. I dislike days upon which I look back upon only to realize that I have done nothing useful. They don't happen very often but when they do it only serves to motivate me to not let it happen again. Because of this, I tend to live my life in a bubble. Not a quiet peaceful bubble, but a bubble filled with a veritable storm of events, tasks, and accomplishment.

My bubble usually doesn't include a clock. Well, it does include one, but it is only so I can better achieve what needs to be done. It usually has absolutely no connection to the actual passing of time. I forget that working until 3pm, starting Bible study prep at 3:30, and finishing Bible study at 9 means the whole day has passed. Oh, I know the day is over and that it's time to sleep, but it doesn't register that it has passed.

I am a very present-minded man. I generally don't dwell on the past, and I almost never worry about the future. My bubble is almost always 100% in the present. The effect of this is, when I choose to step out of my bubble for a moment, I am astounded that a week, month, semester, or year has suddenly passed me by. It's not that I am unsatisfied with what has been done in that time, I am just shocked that the time is all used up.

I love this place the Lord has me right now. I looked outside my bubble today to realize not only is my summer almost gone but so is my college career. This is amazing and exciting. I am so excited to see where my Guide will take me next; to see what adventures are ahead of us.

However, there are things to be done today. I have tasks that must be finished well, trusts to be filled faithfully. Time is precious, and every little bit we are given is to be used well -- to the glory of the Giver.

Worship

It's is amazing how easy it is to get lost in tasks; an hour at work here, two hours doing homework there. Some days go by so quickly it's hard to think back and remember everything that was accomplished. The day is so filled with things to do that there is quite literally no time to stop and review what has been done. There is only the next task. I think that this mentality (or rather lifestyle) is sin.

So often I look back on a busy day, nod to myself and think that I have successfully stewarded all my hours to their best possible use. I fill every hour of my waking life with personal projects, work, study (both academic and Biblical), intentional social time (Bible study breakfasts, roommate events, church, conversation with distant friends and family), getting through another book, etc. I so plan every day that I don't have to guess at what is next, it is always there waiting to be accomplished. I so compartmentalize myself that I end up imprisoned. I claim freedom from sin nature only to (very carefully) enslave myself to sin scheduling.

Christ's blood gives me freedom from sin and He claims the right to be the only god in my life. I accept his gift and then cast it back in His face by exalting my daily to-do list over Him. I relegate Him to bullet points.
- Quiet Time
- Meet with _____ for discipleship
- Go to church
- Teach Bible study
- Personal Bible study time
- Memorize _____
I diminish His value to 10-20 well-intentioned tasks per week. Most of the time I think I am being a pretty solid follower of Christ and an active member in His body, but I still jam-pack my life full of things to do -- things I can't even remember after 10-12 hours.

So I ask myself, "Am I presenting my body [my whole being including what I do, how I think, the means by which I organize my day] as a living and holy sacrifice? Does using every minute of my day constitute a spiritual service of worship?" It sure doesn't feel like it.

Perhaps the problem is the busyness, heaven knows that makes it harder to keep my purpose in perspective. But perhaps it is simple to motive of my heart. Have I so filled my day with tasks that I didn't leave time to remember why I do all of these things in the first place? Perhaps so. I really do love having a purpose when I get out of bed in the morning. I think God gave mankind a love for sizing up a task, breaking it down, and tackling it, but originally there was no confusion on why the task was to be done. The tasks where directly assigned by Almighty God so the satisfaction in accomplishing them was a direct result of obedience to God.

Today I think I have to be reminded why there is satisfaction in a task well done. It is not because I personally accomplished something worthily, it is because I have accomplished a task (be it my employment, school work, or Bible study lesson) that innately brings my King glory because I am His son. The task might not have anything directly to do with my ministry, my personal faith, or my study of His Word; it brings Him joy and glory because it is a gift to Him.

It is similar to the way a parent must feel when a young child (2-4 years old) wants to help clean the house. He gets the broom out and goes through sweeping the floor, the effort is of course useless and really only succeeds in redistributing the mess but it's intention was to show love for the parent and ultimately respect for the parent's authority. The task itself is laughably inane but the heart behind the action is not only deeply touching but critically important.

If that same child did this chore and when thanked by his parent shrugged and said that it was only to stay busy. The parent would most likely smile and hope that, at least, the child is learning good habits for when he grows up. If the pattern continued, eventually the parent would get annoyed at having to re-sweep and wonder at the child's lack of heart behind the action (because children are so very often sincere in their devotion and actions). But am I not not like that child who falls into his routine of uselessly sweeping the floor  and forgetting that the only value in that action is to show my love, and ultimately my respect for the Father who adopted me from the gutter. By not pausing in my day to run over and hug His knee and tell Him, "Look Daddy! I stacked the books for you today! I love you so much," am I not wasting the very time I try so hard to "steward" well?

In perspective of eternity most of what I plan my days to accomplish is little more than rearranging the mess on the floor. However, if I rearrange that mess 100% to show my Heavenly Father that I love Him and that I want to help, those useless tasks become infinitely eternally significant.

My purpose here is not to do my job well, be involved in the church, or even to lead other guys to Christ. Ultimately God can do all of those things better without me. My purpose here is worship my Father with every minute of everything that I am. My purpose is to try make every one of my tasks about Him.

The moment that minute-by-minute worship is a reality in my life is the moment that I am fulfilling my purpose, and I will then, therefore, be ready to learn how to sweep properly.

Refining Fire

I think the Lord has me in the classroom once again. This is always both exhilarating and terrifying. It is exhilarating because I deeply want to be shaped into the image of the most high God. It is terrifying because God usually has to use refining fire to burn away more for who I am and that is always painful.

My college career has by no means been exemplary. It has been fraught with failure, pain, and humiliation. I have been cursed with the blessing of being humbled early in my life. The Lord has apparently decided that I cannot be slowly molded and shaped into his image. I feel like he decided to make me a bronze something or other out of me. He melted me all the way down all at once, and now I feel like the heat is finally diminishing and I am being allowed to cool and solidify in His image. His refining fire has charred me some (and still continues to do so) but nothing that the Master Artisan's hand cannot polish out.

The process of being cast has been more difficult than I can possibly put into words. Everything I was before I was melted down into a pile of mush and stirred and even scraped. He took all of the raw material that I was and completely destroyed the shape that formerly represented those materials. He then refined and tempered the metal before pouring it into a completely new and beautiful mold. He took what little was usable from my own scanty work and reforged it with Himself as the prime ingredient of the new metal. He also carefully designed and shaped the molding that I would cool in. The shape will ultimately be His Son's face imperfect because of the metal mixed with His heavenly steel but beautiful in it's representation of Christ. One of these days (probably many years down the line) He will step back from the solid, well polished piece he has created and find satisfaction in his own work by calling me His "good and faithful servant."

The most amazing part of the whole situation is that I am His workmanship. I don't have to come up with grand designs for what I should look like, He already has that figured out. I merely have cope with fire and polishing and revel in seeing his masterpiece revealed day-by-day. I am so very weak and unimaginative that the casting I do is boring and pathetic. However, I am blessed to be in the hands of the Master of all master artisans. I know that whatever He chooses to work into his representation of His Son will only make the end product that much more beautiful (regardless of the pain in the midst of the work). I think I begin to understand Paul's joy in suffering and tribulation. He knew that each pain and trail brought a new sheen of clarity to the workmanship of God, and that was cause for joy.

Fires and polishing are hard to bear, but I know that my God is shaping a masterpiece that will shine with His glory and I am so blessed to be a part of that process.